“Say ‘cookie’. Cu..cu..cookie!” If you are a parent, you probably have taught your child to say a word using this method. Even though requesting is a powerful way to teach your child to talk, it can also be a way to frustrate your child beyond his limit if not done correctly.
So what is the right way to use requesting? In this article, we will walk you through the steps to using requesting effectively.
MOTIVATORS
Share this Infographic
Choosing the right motivators
Make sure you choose something that the child really likes, be it a favourite snack or toy. Way back when I first started practising, I’ve made the mistake of selecting something that the child is not particularly interested in. I tried getting the child to request for it, only to have him walk away. What an epic failure.
Let’s face it. Talking is hard. So unless you make it compelling, it is probably not worth the effort for your child. So make sure you use your child’s absolute must-haves!
The other benefit about offering something your child likes is that he ends up learning functional words. This means that he can use the word to get what he wants or to make his life easier. This differs from getting a child to learn ABCs or numbers. I can’t think of many situations outside of an academic setting where saying ABC or numbers is meaningful. A child who can rattle off a script is not engaging in functional communication if he is not directing it at someone to make his basic wants and needs known.
Avoid using Daily Necessities
Unless you want to get your child hospitalised for malnutrition or dehydration; Never ever use things that a child need for daily living to practice requesting. These include water and meals. I’ve heard horror stories of parents withholding water from their child just because he couldn’t tell them he wanted water.
These well-meaning but ill-advised strategies aren’t more productive and can even be down-right dangerous. There are many other things that can be used as motivators without endangering your child’s life.
Choose Age-Appropriate Toys
The type of toys we choose to work with a child do matter. For a child with a developmental age of 4 years, a stacking ring might be too boring. And for a child at a developmental age of 1, flashcards or worksheets are likely to be too advanced.
When considering how age-appropriate a toy is, we need to think about a child’s developmental age and not his chronological age. This means that it is appropriate for a 8 year-old child to play with a pop up toy if he is below 2 years of age developmentally.
Go for Mass Practice
While a typically developing child may learn a new word or sign after just a few tries, a developmentally-delayed child might need hundreds if not thousands of turns before he learns it.
Therefore, try to choose items that allows your child to practice the same word many times. Try to go for things which you can offer to your child bit by bit. Some good examples are snacks broken into small bites, toys with a short turn and clear ending, or movement activities.
I generally try to avoid toys with no clear endings, like allowing a child to hold a favourite doll/toy, or accessing iphone/ipad because these often result in a power struggle. These toys require me to wrestle the object off of him, and if done incorrectly, is the fastest way to get a child into a tantrum.
Increase the desirability of your motivators
To improve the desirability of your toys, try to put them away for a few days so that your child can not access it. As the adage goes “Absence makes the heart fonder”. A child is more likely to work for something that he has limited access to rather than something he can play with all the time.
If using food, make sure that the practice is not done after a heavy meal. It’s hard for a child to desire a snack when his tummy is already full.
Also do make sure to change up your motivators. After many days of eating the same snack, the child may be less motivated to work for it.
Be exact with your motivators
Children with autism can be very particular about the snack they like, down to the exact brand and the way it is served. I’ve a student who loves donuts from one brand but not another although they taste pretty similar. Another of my student only likes to drink his juice from a tetra pack but not if it is served in a cup. So make sure that they are delivered in the way that the child prefers.
TARGET WORD SELECTION
Work on more than one target
A child who has only been taught one request may over-generalise it to other scenarios. For example, a child who has been taught “jump” might use it in other scenarios to request for another activity like “swing”.
To prevent the child from over-generalising the request, try to teach requesting using 3-5 different targets. For example, instead of just focusing on the word “jump”, also teach requesting for “swing” or other items like “cookies” and “juice”. These should be worked on separately during different sessions of course.
In addition, working on more than one target allows you to change up your motivators such that your child does not tire of one.
Decide on the target word
With the help of your speech therapist, determine which form of communication to use: words, signs, PECS or AAC.
Once you have done so, you need to decide on what is a good target word for the thing that you are going to withhold. This is particularly relevant if you are targeting speech. If the item you are withholding has a long name, see if you can shorten it.
Try to use shorter words, rather than long words like “helicopter”. A child is not likely to succeed with such a long word if he has never said it before. Try shortening it to something achievable like “heli” instead.
If using signs, feel free to simplify complex signs so that it is easier for a child to form with his hand. At the start, try to avoid signs which are too similar as the child and even the person working with him can mix it up. So choose signs that look very different, such as “cookie” or “swing” for example.
Consider Language
Another thing to consider if you are bilingual, is to target the word in a language that he has the most chance to practice. Consider a toddler who spends most part of his day at home with his mother. If his father is English-speaking but only gets to see his child at night, then it make sense to choose Mandarin since he is at home most of the time with his Mandarin-speaking mother.
Make sure the child has a chance to succeed
If you have never heard the child say a word, it is unlikely that he can say it under such a high pressure situation. In no case should we demand the word and refuse access unless the child says it. Repeatedly asking a child to perform an action or task is not helpful if he cannot say it and can easily frustrate them beyond their threshold.
What you can do is to start off by modelling the word first (either verbally, or with a sign), and then giving the item to the child. When you have done it many times, and you start to see the child imitating you, you can then start teaching him to request.
STEPS TO REQUESTING
Step1: Model the target word and wait
Let’s say you are working on a target like “juice”. Hold on to the juice and model “Juice!” Wait with a very expectant face, so your child knows that you expect a response.
Step2: Give him time to respond
Wait 3 to 5 seconds. If he responds during this time with a sound or sign, reward him with what ever that he wants!
Step 3: Repeat 3-5 times and then Prompt
However if he does not respond, try again. Say “Juice!” and wait again. If the child responds, then reward him. If not try one last time with a little bit more encouragement, “You can do it! Say Juice!”
If he still doesn’t respond, prompt him to perform a simpler sign or ask him to say a word you know he can already say it. Doing so helps to teach him that he still needs to do something in order to get something.
WHAT IF IT DOESN’T WORK?
Check that the child has met the pre-requisite skills
At the most basic level, a child needs to be able to understand symbolism before he can use language meaningfully. Even PECS will require some element of abstract thinking as he needs to know that a picture can represent an object.
So go back and take a look at what your child can or cannot do. Can he engage socially with you for a few minutes? Does he understand the basic cognitive skills of object permanence, cause and effect and simple problem solving? Can he imitate sounds or actions?
If your child hasn’t met these prerequisites yet, go back and work on these before working on requesting.
A Note About Tolerance Level
Some children can tolerate the frustration of not getting what they want right away. However, some have very low frustration tolerance. You don’t want to push them over the edge because children do not learn anything when they are mad. As Dr Stanley Greenspan says “No learning is taking place when a child is having a meltdown”.
When practising requesting, always be on the look out for signs of frustration. If the child looks like he is about to lose it, give the item to him. Try again when he is in a better place.
If the tantrum has already taken place, direct the child to do something easier and then give the child the item so that he still has to do something to get something.
Conclusion
Many things need to be considered before you use requesting as a tool during speech therapy. Make sure that your child is developmentally ready, choose motivators that your child is willing to work for, and also implement strategies that balance giving your child a nudge vs frustrating him too much.
When done correctly, requesting can be a powerful tool to teach your child to become consistent communicators.
What other ways have you found to be effective when working on requesting? Share them with other parents in the comments below.
